You stepped out looking like that?
Monthly Archives: March 2010
Worst in show:
- George Clooney. Damn, if Clooney doesn’t look good with a shaggy euro-mullet, who can? He should take a thirty minute break from his Italian arm-candy beard and get a trim.
- 85% of the women on the red carpet. Did they take inspiration from Ikea? The ruffles were abundant. Hell, Vera Farmiga and Jennifer Lopez looked like dorm lamps from the Swedish retailer. And that’s not a good thing.
Best in show:
- Sandy Bullock. Yeah, I call her Sandy. Because in my mind she’s my friend and we hang-out. We have BBQ’s; gossip about our mutual hatred for Julia Roberts and profess our love for Meryl Streep.
- Meryl Streep. Damn, she’s 60. Loved her dress. And the best part about it? A Project Runway loser (not so much now) designed it. Who said you couldn’t find success after a reality show?
- The red headed rogue. Elinor Burkett steals the show with her Kanye like robbery acceptance speech. Hey, how else would you remember the title of the best documentary short winner? Wait, what was it again.. ? All publicity is good publicity, no?
Vancouver is not known for its fashion. Sure, we’ve got SOMA, the hip little neighborhood that embraces local designers and more internationally renowned ones. We’ve got Gastown and Yaletown. But for the most part, as a culture, Vancouverites prefer comfort. And what else could be more comfortable than a pair of blue jeans. Yes, in the previous post I declared blue a spring color and denim to be the uniform of the season, but let’s get one thing straight, shall we? Men + Jeans = usually not a good combination. In fact, it proves to be deadly for the most part. There are two cases that men usually fall into.
Case number one: The Obama jeans. They are the male version of “mom jeans.” They are usually stonewashed, high-waisted and have a shorter inseam that reveal just a bit of white sock and a large, clunky running shoe. New Balance probably if you are in Vancouver. In fact, Barack Obama himself stated this of his jean choice in a recent Good Morning America interview, “Those jeans are comfortable, and for those of you who want your president to look great in his tight jeans, I’m sorry – I’m not the guy. It just doesn’t fit me. I’m not 20.” Sad. Because he automatically assumes that you have to wear tight jeans into your forties to look good. All he has to do is look at the classics to save his fashion misstep. The Levi’s 501. A straight leg classic jean that men of a certain age should wear and can always pull off.
Case number two: The boot-cut jean that has some sort of detailing on the butt pocket. Either a nifty little design, or the godawful back flap pocket with a large button and detailing/white stitching. The likely culprit? The man who’s 40 and thinks these jeans make him look younger (he’s usually wearing an Abercrombie&Fitch t-shirt and shops at American Eagle and Hollister in Vancouver) Or the 20 year old who just moved to Vancouver from a smaller town and thinks these are the bees knees. (Maybe he’s got frosted tips as well. He also probably has 28 tagged photos of himself on facebook with his friends in a public bathroom.) These aren’t flattering. Stick to a classic 501 or even try Club Monaco’s Slim Straight fit jeans, or A.P.C’s. Dutil in Gastown is a great jean shop that caters to helping men (and women) find the perfect jean. Something in a classic dark wash and no detailing on the back pocket. It’s more age appropriate and more appropriate for the new decade. Heck you could even wear a blazer with them and it won’t look silly.
Remember, dark straight fit jeans work on 99% of men and stand the test of time. They’ll make you look more modern. Obama jeans = 86 Expo; Bootcut jeans with ass detailing = Y2K.
Anyone who lives in Vancouver can tell you that getting through a winter is brutal. Come mid-January, everyone is either booking a ticket to Mexico or they become so withdrawn and homeward bound that by the time the sun makes a comeback, they swear they’ve become allergic. Well, not this winter. During the Olympics we had sunny records of 14 degrees. The Cherry Blossoms are already blooming. And walking past store fronts, you could actually buy Spring items at the end of February or the beginning of March and you could actually wear them!
So, what’s one of the key colors of the season? Blue. In fact, it’s everywhere. But for the most part, H&M and Gap have dedicated their entire spring campaigns towards this classic color, and the latter has deemed denim matching to be key. Now, this is were it gets tricky. If you look at the Gap’s campaign images, there are models with matching denim shirts and jeans. As in the same wash. I’m sorry, but unless you are modeling down a runway, (or look like you belong on the runway) there is no way this looks flattering in real life. I bought a Chambray shirt yesterday from the Gap, and the sales clerk, (who looked like she was a fortyish dowdy soccer mom) was rocking (maybe she thought so) a denim jacket with matching indigo jeans. All I could think about was growing up in the late eighties, and seeing girls walk to school in the exact same outfit (with LA Gear sneakers, scrunchies in their hair, and plastic bags masquerading as backpacks.) Let’s just say it didn’t look good.
So, what advice should I leave you with? Yes, you can wear a denim top and jeans at the same time. Just make sure it’s a different shade. A faded or lightwash denim shirt with dark indigo jeans? Great. And don’t stop with denim, infuse your wardrobe with blue elements, have an entire blue outfit (different tones are the key), and include white, browns and gray as well. You’ll look as fresh as the season that’s upon us.
To add to the previous post, here are some specific examples of no-no dress shoes for men.
Case number one is the Frankenstein dress shoe. These are perhaps modeled after non-slip worker’s compensation board approved safety shoes. They could be the same. They have a square-toe, thick sole, and shouldn’t be on your feet unless you work at Tim Horton’s.
Case number two is the elf like pointy dress loafter. You get double points if they are white. I’d like to call them “White Horror” The typical man to wear these is wearing a gray suit, probably pinstripe, with an aqua argyle sweater vest. Oh, and a white belt. No, no, no.
And case number three is the “dress sneaker.” Isn’t that an oxymoron? The only sneaker you should wear with a suit is the old school Adidas samba sneaker, or if you are hip enough a slim high top. (Pants not tucked in though) If you wear Chucks with a suit, you’ll run the risk of looking like Ellen DeGeneres. But countless men wear these sneakers thinking they look “hip” and “cool” when in fact it’s the opposite effect they are creating. Hey, Puma made these sneakers in 2003, so if you graduated with an MBA at the same time, move on to something more classic.
So, today I was feeling a bit better and decided to indulge in some shopping. Or rather, my shopping bulimia wave took over my body and I decided to purge what I had binged on last week. So, off I went downtown to Urban Outfitters and H&M to return a few things. And then it hit me. All around me, were men dressed pretty well until I looked at their feet. What is it with men and their piss-poor choice in footwear? Did they all unanimously decide to get the ugliest shoe possible? Then I saw the likely culprit right in front of me. Aldo. I stepped in and looked around, and I think I threw up a little in my mouth. My good friend Misty and I had discussed this last week while we were in the suburbs and we thought that maybe the ‘burbs were catering to a different demographic, thus there were uglier shoes. (Yes I’m reinforcing the stereotype that people in the suburbs have less of a fashion taste) But no, even in Vancouver, the ugly dress shoe was abundant. So, please. If you are a man, or you know of a man, stop with the ugly dress shoe brigade. Go with the classics. A cap-toe. A chelsea boot. A wingtip.
I’ll post evidence of Aldo’s misfortunes in a bit. I mean, their website and their spring campaign are fashionable enough (the male models wear gray slim fit suits and denim shirts) but once you click enter, the ghastly choices are endless.
So please Aldo, enough with the ugly shoes. If you stop providing helpless men with ugly choices, the world will be a much better looking place.
…in a good way. Both March 2010 issues of GQ and Details proclaim that big hair is in. More specifically, it’s the pompadour.It’s a way of looking damn good without the appearance that you spent over an hour in the bathroom mirror perfecting every single strand of hair, when in reality, you probably did. Hell, I know. I’ve been growing out my hair in this vein for the past seven months, and who would have thought that I would have started a trend. Okay, okay, the Spring/Summer 2010 shows in Milan might have something to do with it as well. But still, when the rebellious haircut of the fifties resurfaces in our modern era and there’s nothing left to rebel against, what does it stand for? Nothing but looking damn good. Morrissey and James Dean were onto something, no?
Okay, so I couldn’t think of anything more creative than a flop Jennifer Lopez CD as the title to this post, but you know what, the hell with it.
Where does this blog go now? It has been almost a year since I have last updated with pictures of fashionistas in our city that has exploded on the radar since the Olympics. Can you imagine the challenge to find someone fashionable during that two week period? So, let’s try to answer the question that I asked above, where does this blog go now? I’m not sure if I can answer that question with a definite answer, so let’s leave the question as it stands, and hopefully as I update an answer will manifest. Until then, let’s stay fashionable.